I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Fuck appropriateness.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
