you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
