ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You dont lie about slip and slides
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
