if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
