Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize