I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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