"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Michael Bay diarrhea
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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