She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
