she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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