Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
