I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
More tranny stories later!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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