That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
