i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
