I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
