I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
