Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
