Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
