I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
