I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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