so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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