You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize