didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
