She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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