One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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