There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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