i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
