turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
