sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Sponge bath it is.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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