can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
