I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
