Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
