so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You are a genius and a whore.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
