i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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