she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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