$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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