forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
