fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
