My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
