So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize