hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
