Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
