You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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