I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
