I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize