i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
