that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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