"it" just moved
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
