he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
