Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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