then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
