You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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