Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
