I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
