Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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