I think im going to throw up on grandma
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
