She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize