Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize