do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
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