I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
