Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
