doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
operation have a gay friend backfired
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
