you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
