you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
How does it feel to date your dad?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Someone signed my nipple.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize